SEX ADVICE

Elders' Sex Problems: Not Just Aging

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 03:19:00 +0000

Researchers Say
Sexual Problems Linked to Emotional and Physical Health

By Kelley Colihan

WebMD Health News

Aug. 13, 2008 -- Sexual
problems as we get older may not be a part of the natural aging process but
instead may be related to stressors like our emotional and physical health, a
new study shows.

Researchers looked at
original interviews with 1,550 women and 1,455 men aged 57 to 85 as part of the
National Social Life, Health and Aging Project (NSHAP).

The interviews were
done face-to-face in the elders' homes between July 2005 and March 2006. Participants
were asked about their sexual activity in the previous year.

Among those seniors who
said they had been sexually active in the past year, about half of them also
reported at least one "bothersome" sexual problem.

Study authors, led by
Edward Laumann, PhD, write that there is little known
about the problems plaguing elders having sex.

In defining sexual
problems, the researchers included these issues:

No interest or a diminished interest in having sex
Trouble getting and keeping an erection
Vaginal dryness or a lack of lubrication
Not being able to orgasm or reaching climax too early
Having pain during sex
Feeling no pleasure during sex
Being anxious about sexual performance

Respondents were asked
how much the problems bothered them.

Researchers also looked at age, ethnicity,
whether the person was married, divorced, widowed, or never married, and how
much education they had.

More.. www.medicinenet.com

Vagina seems too small

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 08:00:00 +0000

Is it possible that my vagina is just too small? Could it be smaller from lack of use?

A vagina that seems too small…

When penetration or sexual tightness problems first become apparent, it is very common for women to wonder if their vagina is too small for intercourse or has become smaller due to lack of use. Problems with penetration or sexual tightness may occur at any time in life, and are most commonly due to vaginismus, although age related issues may contribute.

Women with first-time sex difficulties, difficulties inserting tampons, or difficulties allowing the insertion of a doctor's speculum during pelvic exams, often mistakenly believe their vagina is too small. In the vast majority of these cases, involuntary constrictions of the vaginal muscles due to vaginismus is the sole cause of the problem. The vagina may seem unusually small, even to physicians, but there is no physical abnormality. The constriction of the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles causes the unusual tightness and the appearance of an abnormality.

Young women are often misdiagnosed by health care providers who do not realize it is the underlying muscle constriction making the vagina appear small or unusually tight. Typically, no matter the woman's physical height, size, or age (see below), the vagina is physically able to accommodate a man's penis of any size. In principal, the vagina will widen much larger to accommodate the delivery of a baby during childbirth. It is vaginismus that disables the vagina and causes intercourse attempts to be either impossible, painful, or difficult (see below for Exceptions.)

Don't Use Porn Movies in Real Sex

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 15:24:00 +0000

Porn Moves You Should Never Use In Real Life

By Sarah Stefanson

Unfortunately for their female partners, many young men these days learn what to do in the bedroom by watching pornography. Let’s be clear about this right off the bat: Porn stars are not real people. What looks like a great idea on video may not translate well into a real-life sexual encounter with your girlfriend. There are some common porn moves you should never use in real life, and we've decided it's time we let you know what they were -- just in case you get any bright ideas later on tonight.

The Dick Slap

Male porn stars seem to have a compulsive need to slap their members against things. One possible explanation for the porn actor grabbing his shaft and banging it against a woman’s butt, breasts or face is that it helps him stay hard; essentially, acting as his own "fluffer" during the scene. Perhaps it could also be a method of degrading his partner by slapping her in the face with his powerful man member. No matter the reasoning behind it, this is a porn move you should never use in real life -- at least not without due warning and the right partner. If you’re having trouble staying hard, give yourself a few strokes with your hand or, better yet, ask her to help you out with her mouth.

The Facial

In porn movies, the most important scene is the one that contains the “money shot.” The moviemakers know their viewers want to see the moment of orgasm, and they usually want to see it all over the woman’s back, butt, chest or face. First of all, you should never, ever ejaculate anywhere on your partner without giving her prior warning. Also, the average girl does not like ejaculate on her face -- back, butt and breasts, fine. However, getting seminal fluid in the eye is not a good feeling, and it takes forever to get it out of her hair, so be considerate and make sure this is a porn move you never use in real life.

10 Sex Tools Every Woman Needs

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 06:11:00 +0000

10 Sex Tools Every Woman Needs

Psst! Want to supercharge your sex life? We have the scoop on the bedroom essentials that will rock your world. (Bonus: You have most of them already!)

By Allison Young

1. A Pillow

A well-placed pillow can help you get into new positions and add sexy variety to old favorites. Try tucking a pillow under your butt in missionary position, says Mabel Iam, author of Sex and the Perfect Lover. Or put it between your legs while spooning. Of course, it also works the traditional way: under your head.

2. A Vibrator

The question isn't why get a vibrator; it's why not? You can use one on your own to explore what feels good, or with your partner to add a new dimension to sex together. Women who use vibrators report higher levels of sexual satisfaction with their partners, increased libido, and easier orgasms, according to research by REDBOOK Love Network expert Laura Berman, Ph.D. If you're a newbie, try a discreet vibrator like the LAYAspot. "It fits in the palm of your hand, and it also easily fits between you and your partner for stimulation during intercourse," says sex expert Emma Taylor (a.k.a. Em). Lo (Lorelei Sharkey), Em's writing partner, suggests the Fukuoku 9000, which fits onto his (or your) finger. Or go to goodvibes.com for a guide on picking the right vibrator for you (click on "Sex Toys 101" under "Pleasure Principles").

3. A Lube You Love

Not only does lube make everything glide more smoothly, it can also help make sex last longer (because you won't dry out) and make it easier to try different positions. To find one, sample as many as you can, says sexologist Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., author of Prime: "It's a very personal thing, and the fun is in finding one that you love and your body loves." Water-based lubes (like Pink Water) are best if you're worried about allergies, while silicone-based varieties (such as Pjur Eros Original Bodyglide) last longer. Mix things up with formulas that tingle or warm (like K-Y Touch Massage 2-in-1 Warming). You can even find organic and natural lubricants (such as Good Clean Love or Oceanus Carrageenan). To read user reviews of all these lubes — and more! — and buy them online, go to babeland.com or drugstore.com.

4. Just-for-fun Toys

Whether they're tame (feather ticklers, whipped cream) or not so tame (fuzzy cuffs, whips), playful props add excitement to the mix. To see what tickles your fancy, take a field trip to an adult shop, or browse an online retailer like babeland.com or goodvibes.com.

more...

http://www.redbookmag.com

Vaginismus

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 05:18:00 +0000

When Sex Hurts

Thousands of married women suffer from undiagnosed vaginismus—but there is hope.
Kate Cardwell

What happens when the process of "becoming one" in marriage brings pain, not pleasure? Or when every attempt at intercourse induces intense burning and the sensation of being torn apart inside? Many women live with an invisible handicap that robs them and their spouse of the enjoyment of sexual intercourse. It's called vaginismus, and it's possibly the most common cause of female sexual pain you've never heard of.

Commonly misdiagnosed, vaginismus is the involuntary and unconscious spasm of the muscles surrounding the vagina, making penetration painful or impossible. Estimates suggest that in North America alone, hundreds of thousands of women suffer from vaginismus to some degree. Statistics are hard to gather because many never come forward due to shame and embarrassment. Victims suffer in silence for years, never realizing they can find help.

My journey with vaginismus began 12 years ago. My husband, Brian*, and I had been married eight years when I gave birth to our second child. Labor was traumatic, and the baby was finally taken by C-section. After my recovery and with two babies in the house, my husband and I were tired but eager to resume the joy and comfort of intimacy.

Sex Hormones in Men and Women

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 04:18:00 +0000

Hormone Replacement Therapy

Women's bodies produce two sex hormones, estrogen and progesterone, and men's bodies produce testosterone, which is also found in small amounts in women. As women and men get older, the level of sex hormones in the body drops. For women this leads to the menopause, usually in the mid to late 50s. The ending of monthly periods is a well known sign of the menopause. For men the decline in hormone level starts in the mid 20s and continues throughout life. It is not marked by any special event.

In women there can be unpleasant symptoms like night sweats, hot flushes, headaches, tiredness, loss of confidence, and others. It is easy to have the hormones raised, by taking them in tablet form, patches or implants. This has to be prescribed by a doctor, and there are side effects and risks, as well as great benefits. There are natural hormone replacements as well, and a herbalist or naturopath would advise you.

In men the picture is different. Lower levels of hormone can cause tiredness, reduced sex drive, reduction of erections, and other problems. Men sometimes mistakenly believe that by replacing testosterone, they will be restored. This is not correct, and taking testosterone in the wrong conditions is positively dangerous. Hormones for men are only given after checking the levels, and in particular cases.

Sex Problem from Biology perspective

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 14:20:00 +0000

Bacterial Solutions to the Problem of Sex

J. Arjan G. M. de Visser

“Why sex?” is a question that has occupied the minds of evolutionary biologists for more than a century. The evolution of organisms that mix their genes during reproduction is considered one of the major transitions in evolution [1], because it fundamentally changed how genes are transmitted to the next generation. In asexual reproduction, offspring inherit a more or less unaltered genome from the parent. In sexual reproduction, genetic material is first reduced in the gametes (sperm or ovaries) and then fused with that of another individual, before new offspring may develop. Sexual reproduction has led to the evolution of males and females with different and sometimes even opposing reproductive interests and behavior. The consequence of sex, which many evolutionary biologists think explains its existence, is the production of genetic variation by mixing genes from different individuals.

Nineteenth-century German biologist August Weismann [2] was the first to realize that sex can produce variation and that variation allows organisms to better respond to selection. Three models have since been proposed as general explanations for the advantages of sex by elaborating Weismann's idea: (i) sex facilitates adaptation to a novel environment by combining beneficial gene variants, or alleles, from different genomes (Fisher-Muller (FM) model [3,4]); (ii) sex helps organisms stay adapted to existing environmental conditions by combining and efficiently removing deleterious alleles (mutational deterministic (MD) model [5]); or—a combination of these two ideas—(iii) sex helps to liberate beneficial alleles from linked deleterious alleles in the genome in which they arose (mutational load (ML) model [6,7]).

more...

de Visser JAGM (2007) Bacterial Solutions to the Problem of Sex. PLoS Biol 5(9): e245

Medication and Sexual Dysfunction

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 14:11:00 +0000

Medicines taken to cure certain ailments may cause impotence or sexual dysfunction as a side effect of that medicine. Various side effects recorded after undergoing Allopathic medication are decrease in sperm count, abnormal liver functions, liver malignancy etc. Regular use of sleeping pills, tranquilizer or anti-depressants leads to impotency. Prolonged intake of antacids, antibiotics, anti coagulants, aspirin barbiturates for different ailments, may affects liver functions, and also affects nutrients in your body. Cholesterol lowering drug high blood pressure drugs cause some negative side effects again in the form of Impotency. The horridity of the fact is that doctors themselves seek to avoid creating a psychosomatic reaction. For instance, if a doctor tells a patient, who is taking medication for high blood pressure that they may be impotent, then he may lose the trust of his patient or the patient itself

Wrong or excessive use of a few type of medication like reserpine, methyldopa, guanethidine, and propranuol; nitrofurantoin for urinary infection; corticosteroids; anabolic steroids for muscle building and anti psychotic drugs.can make your Sex-life hellish causing sexual dysfunction.Medical journals report that the medicines (drugs) such as baclofen, clofibirate disopyramide, fenfluramine hydrocloride, spironolactone may induce impotence. The side effect of these modern medicines can only be corrected effectively by unani herbal treatment.

from www.hashmi.com

New Sex Position is Painful?

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 13:44:00 +0000

QUESTION: My boyfriend and I have had sex on numerous occasions. The last time we decided to try a different position which he found quite enjoyable, but I unfortunately, did not. Not only was it initially painful, I also bled during this experience. Is this normal? The pain unfortunately didn't subside either. After intercourse, I moved slightly from the position I was in and was overwhelmed with abdominal pain comparable to the worst cramps/losing my virginity. Also, its been a couple of days since this last rendezvous and it stings somewhat when I urinate and sit down fast. Are these signs of an infection or normal because again, these symptoms are similar to the same occurrences I felt losing my virginity. I would also say they are similar to being scratched. Please help.

ANSWER: I am so sorry to hear that you have been experiencing pain and bleeding resulting from sex with your boyfriend. Many women have had similar experiences, sometimes just once, other times more often, from having sex. However, just because it is not unusual to have discomfort, pain or bleeding from sex does not mean that it is okay, “normal” or that pain during sex should be par from the course. Sex should not hurt – bottom line. When it does hurt, it is always worth checking out.

You might take a look at your genitals to see if you have visible cuts. Sometimes women tear during sex and these cuts can be seen with the naked eye; other times the cuts are very small and would either not be noticeable by most of us (being untrained to see these) but might be visible by a healthcare provider. Other times the cuts are incredibly small, or could be inside the vagina, and may not be easily seen but may certainly be felt.

Often, if the pain and bleeding were as a result of slight tearing during sex, women tend to notice an improvement in their discomfort after a few days – particularly if they avoid anything (like vaginal penetration, whether with fingers, toys, a tampon or a penis) for a few days that might cause further irritation. In the mean time, if you want to be sexual with your partner, you might explore other ways of being sexually intimate together (e.g., kissing, making out, breast touching, sensual massage).

If the pain does not improve, if it hurts even when you are not using the bathroom, if the pain feels like it is still in your abdominal area rather than in your vagina, or if it generally just worries you or feels like something about which you would like a medical opinion, please do check in with a healthcare provider. It is fairly common for women to call their healthcare provider, explain to the nurse that they have had pain and bleeding from sex, and ask to be seen by their healthcare provider as soon as possible. This is not unusual and many women often feel reassured to have a trained healthcare professional take a look at their bodies to make sure that everything seems fine and healthy.

Sometimes after women or men have had an uncomfortable or painful sexual experience, they may feel hesitant to be sexual again with a partner. Consider talking with your boyfriend about what happened and share ideas about how you might try being sexual again with each other in ways that feel good, and how you can relax together and take sex more slowly at first if that’s what feels most comfortable. It is important to become comfortable with each other so that you know you can always tell each other when sex is feeling good, when it hurts, when you need to stop, or when you need to try something else.

A good book to learn about sexual communication is For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy and for more information about safer, pleasurable sex – and how to talk to each other about exploration – you might like reading The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex.

Originally published November 7, 2007.

Kinsey Confidential

what men think is hot

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 14:50:00 +0000

When Is Not-So-Sexy... Oh-So-Sexy?

By Jen Matlack
Check out the surprising truths about what men think is hot when they're
smitten.

When do you feel like your sexiest self? When you're all dolled up, rocking
your little black dress and heels and the perfect lipstick? When you've kicked
butt at work? When you slip into something silky and slinky? We know how good
those all feel, but here's the truth: Getting primped and perfumed — or even
showing a little leg — has nothing to do with what makes your guy really
want you. Yes, at first a man may be drawn in by come-hither cues — a flash of
lace, a glimpse of cleavage. But once his heart is yours for keeps, he has a
totally different idea of what makes you alluring.

"When a man is in love, what he finds really attractive is the feeling
that he's seeing you for who you truly are," explains REDBOOK Love Network
expert Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married
Women. "To a guy, the makeup, the sexy outfit, it's all a mask. He
wants the woman behind the mask. Openness, vulnerability, an air of contentment
— those things are what really turns him on."

We asked seven women to tell us when they feel most desirable — then got the
scoop from each of their guys on what makes him hot for her. Here, the
sweet, sexy, and surprising answers:

Stilettos and cleavage...or natural beauty?

Angela Betancourt, 30

Rich Betancourt, 38

Married eight months

ANGELA: The irony is that whenever I feel my hottest — say, when I
wear a low-cut blouse and fabulous black stilettos — Rich rarely finds me sexy!
I like to wear super-shiny lip gloss, but Rich thinks it's more sticky than
kissable; and if I stare longingly into his eyes he just thinks I'm being
cheesy. I also feel attractive anytime I'm in candlelight — in fact, I always
light candles in the bedroom. I'm sure Rich wonders why I'm so candle
obsessed.

RICH: I find Angela the most irresistible when she's zoned out on the
couch in front of the TV after a long day at work. She's not wearing any makeup
or jewelry. Everything is stripped away, and she's just totally relaxed. I'll
look over at her beautiful face and think, Wow, this is a great shot. I have
to take a picture. Her natural beauty turns me on much more than when she's
all dolled up.

Sharing private time...or working the room?

Charisse Lombardo-Moore, 38

Salvatore Moore, 35

Married nine years

CHARISSE: I feel sexiest when my husband and I are strongly
connected. We're always close and love each other, but let's face it, after
being together for 15 years, those emotions sometimes get lost in the everyday.
But when we reconnect, it's powerful. For example, we went to Puerto Rico this
year to celebrate my birthday. Every day we went to the beach, where we read
and talked and took long walks. It was so calming and intimate. Later in the
week, on the actual day of my birthday, Sal took me shopping for clothes. By
this time, I felt so great about our marriage — and so incredibly desirable. To
show him how I was feeling, I began modeling sexy bathing suits for him,
something I've never done before. You could feel the sexual tension in the
air!

SALVATORE: I find Charisse most attractive when we are out with a
group of friends and she is sharing a story about a recent experience. She
tells the story with such conviction and passion. Her smile is warm and
generous, and everyone around us is always drawn to her and engrossed by what
she's saying. I feel proud and always have an urge to get close to her. Her
presence brightens any room in a way I can't fully describe. I would bet that
any of the women we spend time with are envious and would give almost anything
to walk just one mile in her shoes.

Losing Virginity Later Linked to Sexual Problems

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 16:48:00 +0000

Those Who Have Sex Later, Particularly Men, Seem to Experience More Sexual Dysfunction

By DAN CHILDSABC
News Medical Unit
Nov. 29, 2007

While past research has linked early sexual activity to health problems, a new study suggests that waiting too long to start having sex carries risks of its own.

Those who lose their virginity at a later age -- around 21 to 23 years of age -- tend to be more likely to experience sexual dysfunction problems later, say researchers at Columbia University and the New York State Psychiatric Institute's HIV Center for Clinical and Behavioral Studies.
The study will appear in the January 2008 issue of the American Journal of Public Health.

Men who lose their virginity in their 20s, in particular, seemed to be more likely to experience sexual problems that include difficulty becoming sexually aroused and reaching orgasm.
The increase in sexual problems was also seen in those who had a comparably earlier sexual debut. And the researchers were quick to point out that there isn't enough evidence to say for sure whether waiting to have sex necessarily leads to sexual dysfunction down the road.
"Our results do not allow for causal interpretations," the study authors write.

Rather, they note in the study, there may be factors common to both the delay of sexual activity and the onset of sexual dysfunction -- for example, they write, "[M]en with sexual problems may avoid sexual interactions and consequently start later."

The researchers, who looked at data from the 1996 National Sexual Health Survey, conducted by the Center for AIDS Prevention Studies (CAPS) at the University of California, San Francisco, also found that men and women who begin having sex in their early teens had their share of problems. They were more likely to have risky sexual partners, to contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI) and to have sex while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
While sexuality experts not affiliated with the study agree that it is too early to draw a direct causal link about those who have sex later in life, they say the research offers some interesting new avenues for learning more about certain sexual problems that may be devastating to long-term relationships.

"Clinically, we see many individuals who marry late and who have had little or no sexual experience have great difficulty with developing a rich and satisfying sexual experience within their relationship," said Eli Coleman, academic chair in sexual health at the University of Minnesota Medical School Program in Human Sexuality.
"Sexual dysfunction is common. Difficulty in consummating the marriage is also a frequent problem," he added.

Sexual Hang-Ups May Have Physiological Effects
Even though the research stops short of indicating a causal relationship between the age at which one loses his or her virginity and sexual problems they may experience later, Coleman said a number of possible factors could contribute to both of these things.
"From a clinical standpoint, there are often dynamics other than the desire to be abstinent until marriage, such as fear of intimacy, body image problems, alcohol and drug abuse, and sexual dysfunction," he said. He adds that these factors "might influence the delay of sexual debut as a means of avoiding sexual issues."

Conditioning that results in shame over sexual expression may also be a factor, said Gina Ogden, a Boston-based sexuality expert and author of "The Heart and Soul of Sex."
"In my sex therapy office I see countless women and men who have received messages about sex that shame them about their sexual feelings and also terrify them about their sexual behavior."

These messages, she said, can differ between men and women.
For women, she said, the message that "good girls" should not engage in or enjoy sex may cause women to shut down sexually, leading to dysfunction.
"One of the many dysfunctions that arises is that women never develop the ability to ask for what they want, which leaves them open for life-long disappointment, desire disorders, orgasmic dysfunction, and worse -- they're ripe for abuse and violence," she said.
For men, the opposite message -- that "real men score" -- may lead to negative mindsets both among those who lose their virginity early and those who become sexually active only later -- mindsets that impact their ability to perform sexually.

Because of the intimate link between the psyche and sexual performance, some sexuality experts say the results of these conditions most likely bring about sexual dysfunction through their psychological impacts.

"There are mostly, if not exclusively, psychological factors at play here, based on poor sexual skills that lead to a poor sexual debut, with lasting negative effects," said Patti Britton, president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists and Los Angeles-based author of books including "The Art of Sex Coaching."
Coleman, however, said that biological factors may also be involved.
"There are probably both biological and psychological factors at play -- which cannot be elucidated from this study -- but suggests that further research needs to be conducted to explore those factors," he said.

The Role of Abstinence-Only Education
The researchers say this preliminary evidence may point up detrimental effects of abstinence-only education.
The authors write that the study "lends credence to research showing that abstinence-only education may actually increase health risks," adding that other approaches may better equip young people to avoid both short- and long-term sexual health consequences.
Many sexuality experts agree.

"In my view as a sexuality therapist since the 1970s, the abstinence-only approach is a public health hazard," Ogden said. "Sexual relationship is complex, and the moment of marriage is not a magic marker.

"Instead of making young people pledge 'no' until marriage, we need to be encouraging them to understand their own sexual responses and orientations, learn how to engage in sexual practices that are safe, and acquire intimacy skills that will lead them into caring relationships."

Said Coleman, "While abstinence only programs seem to be helpful in delaying onset of sexual activity, there have been suggestions that this approach could cause more problems when sexual debut takes place due to insufficient preparation and knowledge of responsible sexual behavior. "This study is interesting because it suggests that sexual experimentation is a normal developmental process, and when this process is inhibited or not guided, there can be poor sexual health outcomes."

sources: ABC NEWS

Sexual Exploration

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 15:38:00 +0000

Ideas on Sexual Discovery and Difference
By Cory Silverberg

On the About.com sexuality site, we cover sex and sexuality, in all its varied, complicated, and exciting forms. People want to know more about sex for all sorts of reasons:

Learning more about your sexual bodies
Tips on exploring sexual pleasure
Understanding sexual diseases and dysfunctions
Ideas on spicing up long-term relationships
Support in expressing what feels right with a new partner

Whether you’re looking to learn more on your own or with multiple partners, taking the first step in a new sexual direction can be daunting.

Here are a few important pieces of information, as well as ideas to consider as you move through whatever sort of sexual exploration you’re considering.

Different Kinds of Sex Information
Most information on the sexuality site can be broken down into a few kinds of information:

Sexual anatomy: the parts of our body that are involved in sexuality
Sexual response: the ways our body responds to all kinds of sexual stimulation
Sexual thoughts: from anxieties to fantasies to trauma, our sexual thoughts have a huge impact on our sexuality
Sexual feelings: the slipperiest part of any equation is our emotional and intuitive responses to sexuality. While not always logical or predictable, these are our responses. We need to understand and, in some way, honor them (which isn’t the same as always letting them guide our decision-making)

You can find a lot more definitions of sexual terms in the Glossary .

We’re All Sexually Different

The problem with generalizing sexuality (which happens on this site, and pretty much everywhere else) is that we’re all different. Take our bodies for example. I might talk about a “typical” sexual response, or how a body part like the nipples might respond. In reality, everyone’s body is different. True, most of us have two eyes, two ears, a nose, etc. But some of us don't, and some of us have two eyes, but can only see out of one of them. Some of us have big noses, and some have little noses. Some of us have taken the body we were born with and changed it, either intentionally or unintentionally.

But when someone with specific knowledge (like a sexual health educator) starts describing our sexual bodies, most of us begin to compare ourselves to what we are being told. This is a terrible mistake. The amazing thing about sex and people is that we’re all unique. Our sexual feelings, interests, desires, and body parts are all different, which is one of the things that makes sexual discovery interesting.

Avoid Sexual ComparisonsIn North America, we put a premium on looking a certain way, and feeling like our bodies fit a certain image. This may be the worst waste of time and energy in our society (except for computer solitaire, which is probably a worse waste of time). Information on sexuality.about.com is meant only as a guide. You should read this and then compare it to how you feel. If it does not apply, then ignore it. If you can use some of the information, that is great. Try to avoid using this information to make yourself feel bad because what your body is like does not match the pictures on this site.

Become Your Own Sex Expert

It is an old but true cliché that you have the ability to know more about your body than anyone else. You can be your own best expert. As you seek out information, help and support for expanding your sexuality, the goal should always be to know yourself more and better. But make sure that it is on your own terms.

Hundreds -- probably thousands -- of people call themselves “sex experts” and are waiting to tell you the right way to have sex, to be sexy, even to think about sex. There may be something to learn from what some of these people say, but be wary of the experts who claim to have answers for you. Exploring sexuality is a lifelong process, and finding answers that have meaning for you can only happen when you are fully engaged in asking the questions and seeking the answers. There are few quick solutions and short cuts, and it’s not the kind of club where you can use someone else’s membership to get inside.

Explore More!

Explore Female Sexual Anatomy

Explore Male Sexual Anatomy

Explore Safer Sex Explore Contraception

Explore Sex Toys

Explore Sexual Communication

Explore Erotic Movies

http://sexuality.about.com

Romance and Lifelong Intimacy

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 14:55:00 +0000

by James Dobson, Ph.D.

It is essential to cultivate a sense of romance if intimacy is to flourish in a marriage. But romance between a husband and wife is precarious. Like the flame of a lone candle burning in the wind, it can easily flicker and die. Your "flame" must be tended with the greatest of care — on Valentine's Day and every other day of the year.

"My Lover Is Mine and I Am His"

The word romance conjures up different images for each of us, and our expectations of what constitutes a romantic relationship also vary. Women are inclined to describe romance as the things their mate does to make them feel loved, protected, and respected. Wives, especially those married to busy husbands, crave the excitement of romantic encounters. They long for "some enchanted evening, across a crowded room." Flowers, compliments, nonsexual touching, and love notes are all steps in this direction. So is helping out at home. A man who shares in the duties of cooking, cleaning, and picking up the kids after basketball practice is much more likely to win the affection of his wife.

Men, on the other hand, rely more on their senses in the area of romance. They appreciate a wife who makes herself as attractive to him as possible. A man wants to be respected — and even better, admired — by his wife. He likes to hear his wife express genuine interest in his opinions, hobbies, and work.

Though romance can mean vastly different things to each of us, for most the word describes that wonderful feeling of being noticed, wanted, and pursued — of being at the very center of our lover's attention. Typically, most couples maintain this sense of romance throughout their courtship and at least through the newlywed phase of marriage. As the years go by and new duties and responsibilities pile on, however, that romantic feeling all too often begins to fade.

The Thrill of the Chase

Whether a few days, weeks, or months after the wedding, something begins to happen to "that lovin' feeling." A man and woman just seem to lose the wind in their romantic sails. It does not always occur, but too often it does.

Their plight reminds me of seamen back in the days of wooden vessels. Sailors in that era had much to fear, including pirates, storms, and diseases. But their greatest fear was that the ship might encounter the Doldrums. The Doldrums was an area of the ocean near the equator characterized by calm and very light shifting winds. It could mean death for the entire crew. The ship's food and water supply would be exhausted as they drifted for days, or even weeks, waiting for a breeze to put them back on course.

Well, marriages that were once exciting and loving can also get caught in the romantic doldrums, causing a slow and painful death to the relationship. But it need not be so.
Recall for a moment the craziness of your dating days — the coy attitudes, the flirting, the fantasies, the chasing after the prize. As we moved from courtship to marriage, most of us felt we should grow up and leave the game-playing behind. But we may not have matured as much as we'd like to think.

In some ways, our romantic relationships will always bear some characteristics of adolescent sexuality. Adults still love the thrill of the chase, the lure of the unattainable, excitement of the new and boredom with the old. Immature impulses are controlled and minimized in a committed relationship, of course, but they never fully disappear.

This could help you keep vitality in your marriage. When things have grown stale between you and your spouse, maybe you should remember some old tricks. How about. . .

breakfast in bed?
a kiss in the rain?
reading those old love letters together?
a night at a bed and breakfast?
roasting marshmallows by an open fire?
cooking a meal together that you've never tried before?
a long-stem rose and a love note?

There are dozens of ways to fill the sails with wind once more.

Even when finances are tight, just being together with your partner can rekindle that lovin' feeling. All that is needed is a little effort and creative flair. Talk with your mate; ask him or her what would bring new interest and excitement to your marriage. Then enjoy together your own unique brand of romance.

http://www.family.org/marriage/A000001141.cfm

Practical Sex Solutions

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 02:12:00 +0000

Practical Sex Solutions – a real-life "Better Sex" memo

Have you ever thought to yourself, "My sex life would be so much better if my partner was a just little more/less _________"? Yes, you have. It's happened. Human beings are all unique, with all sorts of physical and psychological variations that aren't always ideal for the ultimate sex life. Don't despair, however! Technology has brought us leaps and bounds forward in the search for sexual pleasure. Sex toys are no longer limited to cheap, plastic, phallic-shaped things. There is a wide variety of fun, useful products designed to improve our personal, loving sex lives and strengthen our relationships. So if the man of your dreams just happens to be a little under par in the size department, or you find yourself wanting more than he can give, it doesn't mean you can't have ultimately satisfying sex. Read on…

Problem 1: "He's too small"

There are a few solutions to this problem, if indeed this is a problem at all. Many men who are below average size-wise have learned to use other parts of their body to their partner's grateful benefit. But if his little guy just isn't satisfying you, there are quite a few things to try. First, try different positions: let him take you from behind while you squeeze your legs together, or lie on your back with your knees at your chest and your feet over his shoulders. These positions allow deeper penetration, tighten your vaginal canal and increase sensation for both of you. You can also have him try a penis enhancer. These come in all sizes and shapes to lengthen, thicken, support, and satisfy whatever need you both may have. Third, work your PC muscles. A good set of Smartballs, an updated version of Ben-Wa balls, will strengthen and tighten your internal muscles. With your vaginal muscles primed and toned, you'll be amazed at how much more you'll feel during sex.

Problem 2: "He's too big"

Sorry to disillusion you, guys, but bigger isn't always better. A huge member doesn't always guarantee pleasure; it can often cause pain for women with tight or short vaginal canals. The best solution to this problem is lots of foreplay! Spend lots of time getting her excited using your hands or mouth. When she's ready, slather on a healthy dollop of lubricant and ease in slowly. Silicone-based lubes tend to work best for easing the friction of a tight fit. If he's really long, try a set of penis donuts. These fit tightly at the base of the penis so he'll still receive stimulation, but they're wide enough keep him from going further in than she's comfortable with. Some positions to try: her on top, so she's in complete control of penetration and speed. Side-by-side also limits how deeply he can penetrate.

Problem 3: "He wants it all the time"

If your partner is always after you for sex, and you're never "in the mood," you may be setting yourself up for some serious long-term relationship problems. Try not to think of this as his problem; there are a number of solutions you can enact that can directly affect you. Some things to try: *Make sure you're keeping a healthy sleep schedule – Not enough sleep leads to a reduction in testosterone, the hormone that gives you a healthy libido. *Take active responsibility for your sex drive – Figure out what turns you on, don't leave it to your partner to guess. When you pinpoint what gets you in the mood, do it often, share it with your partner, whatever it takes to enjoy yourself. *Identify and work out issues with your body image – The better you feel about your body, the more likely you are to enjoy sex. This may require getting a gym membership or scheduling counseling. *Initiate sex, even if you're not in the mood – By taking the reigns, you take control of the situation, which can be a major turn-on for you. You don't even have to go all the way. Oral sex or even manual stimulation will make your partner equally grateful, and can rev up your own lagging libido. *Fantasize – Let your body and mind get in the mood without the pressure of having to perform or please someone else. Find a fun vibrator or other toy help you enjoy your alone time. The more you exercise your libido, the healthier it'll become.

Problem 4: "He doesn't want it as much as I do"

Biology has set us up for a cruel trick: as we age, a woman's sex drive goes up while a man's libido starts to fall behind. While many women fear this is because they have become less appealing to their partners, in most cases, this couldn't be further from the truth. Here are some things you can do to help yourself out: *Masturbate – When you need to take the edge off, close the door, turn on some music, and spend some quality time with your favorite rabbit vibrator. *Make sure it's sex you're after – Identify whether you're actually craving sex, or if you're looking for love, intimacy, affection, or a stress-reducer. There are other ways of receiving these without depending on sex. *Know your partner's appetites – Learn what turns him on and off. Explore all the options of the things they enjoy, broaden your repertoire of sexual knowledge, and be sure to mix it up. A simple sex swing can make your sex lives seem brand new again. *Utilize the quickie – Sex doesn't always have to be an hour-long excursion. Use lots of lubricant and make the most of whatever time you have.

Take an active role in improving your sexual happiness, and you'll find that you both benefit. Life changes over time, and your wants and needs will forwever be fluctuating, so be sure to communicate, work through whatever issues you may have together, and don't be afraid to try new things. Satisfaction comes to those who work at it!
By Lance Russell

from http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/5-3-2006-95110.asp

Better Sex For Couples

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 04:20:00 +0000

(Prudent Press Agency)--- There are proven methods to improve sexual performance and pleasure among couples. However, various couples struggle with different challenges. One couple may be dealing with erectile dysfunction in the male partner, another with lack of sex drive in the female or male partner. Some couples have too much stress in their lives that’s not managed properly and this negatively affects their sexual experience and intimacy. For others a lack of creativity is the major cause of disinterest and boredom and has lead to poor sexual performance and desire. The mistake that happens often is when couples use an inappropriate method for treating the problem.

You see, all of the conditions listed above are encountered by many couples and each problem requires a unique solution. Additional problems and frustrations occur when a couple uses the wrong method to treat their specific problem, for instance using a drug or other method as the "cure all" for what is lacking in their sexual experience. An example would be someone using a medication or other herbal substance that is intended to treat erectile dysfunction, but that person thinks that the substance will increase sexual desire, which is not the case because that is not how the substance was designed to work.

Erectile Dysfunction
This is also referred to as "impotence" in men. It is the condition in which the male partner has a sex drive (very important), can get an erection (or at least start the process), but is unable to maintain an erection for the intended duration of sex or until an orgasm is reached. This condition is appropriately treated with medications. And you can treat it with natural substances also. The medications used to treat erectile dysfunction belong to a class of drugs called phosphodiesterase inhibitors. Included in this class are the drugs Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. They are effective in treating impotence because they cause more complete filling of the penis with blood and allows the penis to remain engorged for a longer period of time, usually long enough to reach climax and sometimes even beyond that. Viagra has proven effective in enhancing sexual pleasure in women in a similar way by increasing blood circulation to the vaginal area. Levitra has been proven to help treat erectile dysfunction in men that also suffer one or more other illnesses that compound the problem. Among them are diabetes, high blood pressure, and hyperlipidemia (high cholesterol levels in the blood). There are also natural herbal products that help treat erectile dysfunction without the side effects that may be encountered with these medications.

It is important to consult your primary doctor in determining whether any of the medications are the best option for you, especially if you have a history of heart disease or low blood pressure.

Lack of Sex Drive
This is when there is no desire to participate in sexual activities. There are different causes for this condition. Stress can be a factor. Many medications have decreased sex drive as a side effect. Depression is a cause, especially when it leads to physical inactivity. Even our diets can contribute, directly and indirectly, to lack of sex drive and performance in men and women. It is important to distinguish lack of sex drive from erectile dysfunction, here's why. Let’s say a man has no or low sex drive and becomes frustrated because he is unable to become aroused sexually for his partner, yet he believes that Viagra (a treatment for erectile dysfunction) will help solve the problem. He will more than likely become more frustrated because that is not how Viagra works. It was not formulated to stimulate or increase sex drive. With Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra there needs to be sexual arousal which releases certain enzymes or chemicals into the bloodstream that allow the meds to be effective. Without arousal this does not occur. There are some natural ways to increase testosterone levels that have been proven to dramatically increase sex drive. There are even foods that help with this. Exercise is a great way to enhance testosterone levels and sex drive in a safe way, but some forms of exercise are more effective than others.

Stress Anxiety Depression
I put these together because they can be closely related if we don't manage them properly. Unmanaged stress and anxiety often lead to depression. High stress, anxiety, and depression are major inhibitors of good sexual and general health. It is true that great sex has to do with the right mental stimulation and attitude and nothing negatively impacts the right mind set more than high stress, anxiety, or depression. We manage these conditions by incorporating things that make our lives more balanced. Some ways include; diet and exercise, involving ourselves in more spiritual pursuits, committing more time for the family, or it could be just getting rid of things that make you stressed, anxious, or depressed. Usually effective management involves some of everything. The important thing is that you take action to get them under control. They can be managed effectively by most of us.

Lack of Creativity and Romance
Some couples kill their sex lives when they stop being creative. Even sex, as pleasurable as it is, can become old and even boring if we stop being creative. You see, creativity starts the mental process that sets the stage for great sex. Creativity gets our minds involved in the act. Let's face it, anyone can do it or go through the motions, but to really have great sex involves a bit more from the mind and body together. Remember when you first met your partner and how you felt. The excitement you felt during that time was a motivating force that helped you think up ways to show them how much you cared. And your efforts payed off in a good way, didn’t they? I will let you know that by involving the mind in thinking of creative ways to communicate your affection towards your partner can engender the same excitement you felt when you first met. It will make a difference in improving your chances for great sex every time.

For more information, tips, and resources on how to greatly improve your sex life visit our site at http://www.sexhealthandwellness.com.
About The Author Whitney Moore is a recently retired registered nurse who now devotes time to the research and dissemination of information covering many general and health related topics.

from: http://www.prudentpressagency.com/modules/news/article.php?storyid=4323

Intimacy during pregnancy

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 09:29:00 +0000

Intimacy during pregnancy: An essential element

Linda Jenkins, RN

Linda Jenkins, a nurse, childbirth educator and author, discusses why intimacy during pregnancy is important, and how touching and sexual relations can be fulfilling to both partners.

Intimacy needen't stop

All love relationships involve some form of intimacy. Deep friendships thrive on it: marriages are nurtured by it. A note, a smile, a touch... each can have profound effect.

For most couples, sexual intercourse is an exciting, enriching, intimate part of a relationship. Unfortunately, during pregnancy, intercourse is not always possible. But just because pregnancy has reached a point where intercourse is either uncomfortable, against medical advice or simply rather awkward, INTIMACY NEEDN'T STOP! Intimacy is needed by both partners, perhaps even more than before the pregnancy.

Intimacy comes in many forms. The right words, a comment or unsolicited compliment, can do wonders in maintaining intimacy. The wise could keep in mind that words well chosen can often brighten, or at least lighten, a seemingly difficult situation.

Taking the time to do things together gives you both greater opportunity to share in the happiness of this pregnancy. A secluded spot, some favorite gourmet delights, a little time and you have all the ingredients necessary for an intimate picnic for the two of you.

The power of touch

Touching is essential to life and living. While a delightful aid to relaxation, it can also be a source of sexual gratification. Some couples know this; others may enjoy learning the possibilities together. The more familiar you become with touching and being touched, the more pleasurable it becomes. Some men resist looking at, touching, and caressing their mate's bodies during pregnancy, often justifying their reluctance by saying that it is a woman's experience. How wasteful to lose the beautiful moments of pregnancy which may occur only once or twice during a lifetime.

Use the time to the fullest to enjoy the growing child resulting from your intimacy. A massage can soothe away tension while enhancing intimacy. It offers the perfect time to explore with touch and sight the growth of the unborn child, and what it does to a woman's body. Toss away preconceptions about areas that are out-of-bounds. Ask your partner what is pleasurable for him or her. This can be a starting point for one of the most important forms of communication in your relationship. It may overcome obstacles which have often prevented intimacy in the past.

Take your time. Many books are available on massage and some even focus on the pregnant woman. These books teach the strokes and techniques which relieve stress and produce sensual pleasure at the same time. George Downing's The Massage Book, or Bernard Gunther's Sense Relaxation and What to do Until the Messiah Comes will give you a good start.

There is not a single area of skin that may not be gently and lovingly touched in a way to give pleasure. The only limitations are those you choose. An overall massage may be repulsive or annoying if either partner is uncomfortable or resistant -- tenderness and thoughtfulness are the keys. Discuss what will make each of you the most comfortable, assemble all materials, and then begin to give each other pleasure. Set the right mood and remember that on this tactile road there are only the limits the two of you decide to set. You may need conversation at first, but. then your bodies can tell each other what is appreciated. You may sit facing each other, massaging each other's face, head, neck, arms and hands. Lie next to each other and let your hands say how much you love and care.

To cut down friction, many emollients may be used: oil, glycerine, lotion, or talcum powder. The emollient may ever) be scented or flavored. Often in labor, however, the more highly scented things are better avoided. Just plain corn starch might be used on a tightly stretched abdomen and feel very good.

Enjoying sex

Many people can -- and do -- talk about sex more easily now than ever before. Nevertheless, the subject of sex during pregnancy is still colored by a lot of old wives' tales and prudery. As a result, women may be reluctant to ask the questions really bothering them when visiting their health care provider. Worse yet, couples keep their innermost fears and feelings to themselves. This might be something you want to reconsider: this is a most important time to communicate openly.

Ambivalent feelings about everything from wanting this baby to sex are common, and often increase during pregnancy. The man may feel proud of his role in helping to create a child, yet anxious about his unborn child, and at the same time, jealous of its constant presence. The woman may feel ungainly and frequently tired. She, too, may be anxious about her impending responsibilities. All these moods and conflicting feelings alter attitudes between couples and affect their desire for lovemaking. It is important that feelings, no matter how insignificant they may seem, are voiced and shared. The feelings you may have are not always negative. Being pregnant is the only absolutely effective method of birth control other than abstinence and sterility. Thus, for many women it is the first time they could truly relax and enjoy sex with their partners without fear of another conception.

from http://pregnancyandbaby.com/

Preventing injury

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 07:50:00 +0000

Safe sex also implies that no harm is done to oneself or the partner. It cannot be denied that sex often involves uncontrolled behaviour. For many, sex is not exciting unless it is spontaneous, non-premeditated, intoxicated, wild, rough, or even violent. Soft and gentle lovemaking is by many rejected as old-fashioned or 'romantic'. This attitude is often found among those who actually know little about lovemaking, feel negative about it, and are afraid to appear vulnerable. Also, they copy behaviour from movies and pornography, which too often carry the message that sex and violence are the same.

Preventing injury: masturbation
Most injuries, however, happen during masturbation, because when one is alone, one is usually less inhibited than with a partner. Most people continue to masturbate throughout life for this reason. No single partner can compete with fantasies, images, and objects used as stimuli.
Certain techniques of masturbation carry some risk of injury and it is best to be aware of them. Girls tend to put pins or sticks or other objects into their vagina or urethra or anus. If in their excitement they forget the object, it may get stuck, or even pass through into the bladder. Boys can have similar experiences, which are usually very unpleasant, especially if the doctor has to be called in.
Girls and boys can push their genital against a surface or object, and boys can stick their penis into something, making coital movements. If the movements are not controlled and gentle, the sex organ may be hurt, or even damaged.
A rather well-known injury is for a man to stick his penis into a narrow ring or hole in an object, a bottle or kettle, and have an erection, which then makes withdrawal impossible, because the bloodflow out of the penis, which normally occurs through veins on the outside of the penis, is blocked.
It is unwise to stick the penis into the opening of a vacuum cleaner hose while the hoover is on. It wil suck too hard and cause painful blood swelling.
Also used in masturbation are tight clothing, piercings, sharp metal objects or unusual postures. Near-suffocation is another stimulus to arousal and orgasm. This is called asphyxophilia. Sometimes people are found dead, who put a plastic bag over their head, and were apparently unable to remove it before they lost conscience.

Preventing injury by risky sex
People can also have risky sex together. Interestingly, most of the accidents occur as a result of inhibition and ignorance more frequently than through sophisticated kinky sex. Because we never learn how to make love, we do the best we can, but often without sufficient knowledge of even the anatomy of the partner, let alone their sensitive spots, and how to make them feel good. The urge to have intercourse (fuck) which is natural, often overrides the need for human closeness, intimacy and communication. Clumsiness and rough movements can cause pain, skin irritation, bruises, scratch marks, swellings and infections. This is why sex instruction always stresses gentleness and communication even in the heat of sexual desire, waiting for or using sufficient lubrication, and never assuming that the partner wants to feel pain.

Preventing injury by sm
Of course, if couples want to try out games involving an element of pain, that is a different matter. SM (sadomasochism) is the name for any sex game involving the conscious use of power, subjection, postponement of orgasm, seeking out limits of pain experience in combination with sexual arousal. There is a wide range of activities, from mild bondage and only verbal subjection to the use of leather outfits and masks, manacles, chains, whips, piercings in nipples, clitoris or penis, hot candle wax, tight bounding and twisting of the genitals, the use of knives. If injuries occur (again mostly through ignorance), they are usually more serious. Magazines for sm regularly warn their readers against causing damage to themselves or others, cautioning them to be very aware of how much pain the partner can take, and to break off as soon as the activity is no longer experienced as a pleasure.

SM used to be considered a perversion, but nowadays many couples indulge in it to some extent. They usually do so in order to raise the level of arousal in their sex life, which may have become more or less routine. Mostly it is the man who wants this extra kick. He probably has had fantasies about other partners for some time and has waited to ask his wife if she is willing to indulge him. He may not want to go outside his marriage for another partner. The wife may reluctantly go along, dislike it and and give up, but may also turn out to be a diligent and active player in a mutually satisfactory sex game, for as long as it lasts.

Preventing injury from http://www.nvsh.nl/skills/injury.htm

Risk of HIV transmission via oral sex

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 03:59:00 +0000

The risk of HIV transmission from an infected partner through oral sex is much smaller than the risk of HIV transmission from anal or vaginal sex. Because of this, measuring the exact risk of HIV transmission as a result of oral sex is very difficult. In addition, since most sexually active individuals practice oral sex in addition to other forms of sex (such as vaginal and/or anal sex) when transmission occurs, it is difficult to determine whether or not it occurred as a result of oral sex or other more risky sexual activities. Finally, several co-factors can increase the risk of HIV transmission through oral sex, including oral ulcers and wounds, bleeding gums, genital sores, genital or oral piercings, and the presence of other STDs.

When scientists describe the risk of transmitting an infectious disease, like HIV, the term "theoretical risk" is often used. Very simply, "theoretical risk" means that passing an infection from one person to another is possible, even though there may not yet be any actual documented cases. "Theoretical risk" is not the same as likelihood. In other words, stating that HIV infection is "theoretically possible" does not necessarily mean it is likely to happen - only that it might. Documented risk, on the other hand, is used to describe transmission that has actually occurred, been investigated, and documented in the scientific literature.

Various scientific studies have been performed around the world to try and document and study instances of HIV transmission through oral sex. A programme in San Francisco studied 198 people, nearly all gay or bisexual men. The subjects stated that they had only had oral sex for a year, from six months preceding the six-month study to its end. 20 per cent of the study participants (39 people) reported performing oral sex on partners they knew to be HIV positive. 35 of those did not use a condom and 16 reported swallowing semen. No one became HIV positive during the study, although the small number of participants performing oral sex on HIV positive partners meant the researchers could only say that there was a less than 2.8 per cent chance of infection through oral sex over a year.1 In 2000, a different San Francisco study of gay men who had recently acquired HIV infection found that 7.8 per cent of these infections were attributed to oral sex.2 However, the results of the study have since been called into question due to the reliability of the participants' data.

Measuring the exact risk of HIV transmission as a result of oral sex is very difficult.

In June 2002, a study conducted amongst 135 HIV negative Spanish heterosexuals, who were in a sexual relationship with a person who was HIV positive, reported that over 19,000 instances of unprotected oral sex had not led to any cases of HIV transmission.3 The study also looked at contributing factors that could affect the potential transmission of HIV through oral sex. They monitored viral load and asked questions such as whether ejaculation in the mouth occurred and how good oral health was. Amongst HIV positive men, 34 per cent had ejaculated into the mouths of their partners. Viral load levels were available for 60 people in the study, 10 per cent of whom had levels over 10,000 copies. Nearly 16 per cent of the HIV positive people had CD4 counts below 200. The study, conducted over a ten year period between 1990 and 2000, adds to the growing number of studies which suggest varying levels of risk of HIV transmission from oral sex when compared to anal or vaginal intercourse.

At the 4th International Oral AIDS Conference held in South Africa, the risk of transmission through oral sex was estimated to be approximately 0.04 per cent per contact.4 This percentage figure is a lot lower than the two American figures, because this figure is a risk per contact percentage, whereas the other figures are percentage risks over much longer time periods. Oral sex is still regarded as a low-risk sexual activity in terms of HIV transmission, but only when more work is done will we be clearer as to the risks of oral sex.

http://www.avert.org/oral-sex.htm

Facts About Orgasm

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 09:47:00 +0000

Orgasm Facts

Everyone can orgasm, but not everyone does. Coming' isn't all that easy - if you're a woman! Nearly all MEN can climax without difficulty, but women just aren't built that way. For a man sexual intercourse alone, that is, penetration of a woman's vagina by a man's penis may be sufficient to climax. But it very often is not enough to make a woman reach orgasm.

What is it?

Orgasm is the pinnacle of sexual passion. It is the moment of intense pleasure, which results into feeling relaxed and at ease. The female orgasm lasts a few seconds, followed by a feeling of relaxation and pleasure. Continued stimulation may also result in further orgasms, which though is difficult for females of certain age group.

Types of orgasm

Basically there are two types of orgasms that women experience, based on the two different zones of stimulation. The first is a clitoral orgasm, wherein the clitoris is stimulated by lightly touch or stroking it. The second type of orgasm is a vaginal orgasm. This comes from pressure being applied to the "G" spot, usually by the tip of the man's penis. The "G" spot is located on the anterior wall of the vagina, about 2 inches from the opening. Both these experiences are different and women who have experienced both types of orgasms know the difference. However the fact is very few women reach orgasm solely as a result of the penis penetrating the vagina; it's more likely to happen through stimulation (touching/rubbing/kissing) of the clitoris - the highly sensitive bump located at the top of the vaginal lips.

Following positions are helpful to reach climax by stimulating the "G" spot:

1. Woman on top of man
2. Woman lying on her stomach, with man on top, entering her vagina from behind.

Factor responsible for orgasm

1. Sexual frequency. In order to reach climax it is important that you have regular sex. The more time that passes between sexual encounters, the harder it is for a woman to become aroused, and less likely to have an orgasm.

2. Another important thing is you should be relaxed and tension free. For a woman to get the most out of the sexual encounter, she must be comfortable with the surroundings and also with the relationship. Thus orgasm is impossible in a situation where there is tension, or lack of trust in the marriage.

3. Also what is important is a understanding and caring partner who know how to stimulate and arouse you and who helps you reach climax.

How can men help?

Remember one thing that to reach orgasm it is very important that your man co-operates with you and understands you and your body. Therefore don't feel shy to tell him how to make love to you and what arouses you and touching, kissing, stroking which part of your body will make you climax. Therefore next time you make love guide him to help you reach orgasm. However following are the things men need to know.

Tell her that she's marvellous, sexy and beautiful.
Remember that most women need stimulation of the clitoris. Touching/kissing/stroking will help reach orgasm.
Give her oral sex. Most women adore this and some claim that they cannot come unless a man 'goes down' on them.
Caress her breasts or her sensitive spots. A few women climax through breast fondling alone or simply by stroking their sensitive spots.
Don't be too proud to ask her to show you what she wants.
If you come before her, don't stop there but try to help her climax too by kissing and stimulating her.
Remember to provide an atmosphere of love, romance, security and compassion.

What can you do to help yourself ?

A woman who experiences no or few orgasms can learn to bring herself to climax, over time with little patience and self-stimulation. Patience is needed because it will take time to learn the spots, the touches, feelings and thoughts that will arouse you and continue to arouse you to the point of climax. At first the techniques can be practiced alone, but then with your partner since he too has to be taught how to make love to you.

When alone explore your body - touch and stoke yourself in the way you would like to be caressed by your lover - learn and enjoy those things that really stimulate you.
Once you know what stimulates you and helps you reach climax share these experiences with your partner; guide him around those parts of your body that aroused you when you stimulated them - let him find other ways to arouse you too.
Let your partner stimulate your clitoris during foreplay, when you find yourself on the brink of orgasm after your partner has touched and caressed your clitoris, move straight on to intercourse, with you or your partner continuing to stimulate your clitoris.

from facts about orgasm

How Important Is Sex in a Marriage?

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 08:19:00 +0000

So many married couples seem to struggle to keep passion alive in their relationship. And it's no wonder: There's no shortage of factors that wreak havoc on sex lives ‑- from busy schedules to kids to changing, aging bodies. Without physical intimacy, what's left to hold a marriage together? Plenty, one would think: shared history, family, friendship. So just how important is sex and passion to a marriage? We asked six members of our Love Council to weigh in.

Dan Cronin

"Work + Kissing = a Happy Marriage"

It's hard for me to comment on the notion of aging bodies affecting passion, because I met my wife 11 years ago and age has only made her more beautiful. I, on the other hand, am a different story. I'm looking more and more like Elliot Gould each day. (No offense, Elliot Gould. You're just much older than I am.) So you'd have to ask her. But as for the mundane rhythms of life ‑- from the hectic schedules to the screaming babies ‑- it all adds up to a situation that seems a bit more like two shift workers trying to keep a business afloat than it does a healthy marriage. Sex is hugely important. Especially when it's part of the deal that you're not allowed to go anywhere else to get it. I used to hate it when I heard people say things like "Marriage is work," but when routine sets in I realize that marriage is work. And it's worth it. But my one little secret? Kissing. Married couples don't kiss like they did when they were dating, and they should really, really try. What better way to save a marriage than a little mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?

Cathi Hanauer
&
Daniel Jones

"Do Whatever It Takes"

Cathi: Virtually every marriage, no matter how steamy at the beginning, goes through sexual dry spells. As long as you have other ways of connecting and having fun together during those dry spells, that's okay. The problem comes when sex and passion drop out of a marriage purely because caring for each other is so low on your list of priorities that you start to treat one another like roommates. Often, making time to have sex can end up being less about the physical act than about taking a moment to reconnect, share a laugh or a moment of affection and remember why you've committed to this person in the first place.

Dan: See, I wonder if this is one of those questions that's different for men and women. Married or not, most men seem to need sex regularly. For women, I believe passion is an essential: a sense of desiring and being desired. But sex with their husbands? I'll bet many could take it or leave it. (By the way, I'm talking about everyone else's sex life here, not my own, which is, of course, perfect.)

What is important for all of us married people is that we air our expectations and needs and work at ways to meet them. Some people schedule dates with their spouse, go to hotels, watch porn, take ballroom dancing lessons, send dirty text messages to each other ‑- whatever it takes, as long as you're honest and not overly greedy. Don't be embarrassed about what you need. And don't keep your needs and desires in marriage all to yourself as your resentment festers and divorce looms. In marriage, a little effort to please the other person can go a long way.

love.ivillage.com

Sex after giving birth

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 05:38:00 +0000

Written by Dr David Delvin, GP and family planning specialist and Christine Webber, psychotherapist and lifecoach

Will childbirth affect your sex life?

Yes, it certainly will! So please don't expect that everything will instantly return to normal. Men are particularly likely to believe this; a lot of young blokes think that they'll be able to have intercourse as soon as their partner gets home from hospital. But that just isn't true.

You see, childbirth is a pretty traumatic process for a woman. Having a baby pass through her vagina is almost like having a small explosion go off inside her. The delicate vaginal tissues are inevitably strained, bruised and torn â€“ and it takes some weeks for these injuries to heal up.

Furthermore, childbirth involves very considerable hormone changes hormone changes â€“ as well as emotional stresses. Therefore, very, very few women feel rampagingly sexy until a long time after they have given birth.

Therefore, it's important for both mother and father to realise that lovemaking may not go brilliantly in the first six months or so after Baby arrives. So be prepared - and be patient!

How soon can you resume having sex?

In general, a woman shouldn't consider having full sex (ie intercourse) until after her postnatal check-up. This examination usually takes place about six weeks after the birth.

Even then, she may not feel ready to 'go all the way' - particularly if she has had stitches and the opening of her vagina is sore.

If you're in any doubt about whether to resume sex, ask the doctor who does your postnatal examination for advice â€“ particularly about using additional lubrication..

Can you go in for any other sexual activity before resuming intercourse?

Yes â€“ and it can be a good way of 'letting off steam'. Couples do often get very frustrated when they're waiting to resume sexual intercourse. This applies particularly to men!

So, in the meantime, you can go in for loveplay - though there is one danger, which we'll explain in a moment.

Can both of you go as far as the point of climax? Definitely! It will do the postnatal woman no harm at all to have orgasms if she wants to.

So, things you can do include:

hand petting on the man by the woman - what's often called a 'hand job'.
hand petting of the woman by the man - using his fingers to stimulate her clitoris. But he should not put his fingers inside until she has had her postnatal examination and the doctor has said that everything has healed up. So, just stick to stroking and rubbing the outside of her sex organs. It's quite safe to pay plenty of attention to her clitoris, which is well away from the area where stitches are put in.
oral sex performed on the man by the woman. This type of loveplay - termed 'fellatio'- often proves a great boon to a male who is desperate for sexual release.
mutual caressing of various other parts of each other's bodies.

Is there anything we should avoid?

Yes. Please heed this important warning. You'll note that in the section above we have not recommended oral sex performed by the man on the woman (ie 'going down ' on her).
This activity - often termed 'cunnilingus' - is definitely off limits during the first few of months after childbirth.
Why? For two reasons:

it could introduce infection into the vagina and womb.
even more seriously, it has occasionally led to death.

These tragedies have occurred because the man has (often accidentally) managed to blow air into the vagina. Air can very easily get into the blood vessels of the newly-delivered womb - and cause an often fatal illness called 'air embolism'. Not long ago, the British newspapers reported an appalling case in which a man forced his wife into cunnilingus shortly after she came home from hospital, puffed air into her â€“ and killed her.

Is it OK to handle the breasts after childbirth?

Yes, it is OK - provided the woman feels happy about it. But don't go in for 'boob play' if she develops any kind of breast disorder, such as a nipple crack or an abscess.

Do feelings for the new baby affect your sex life?

Absolutely! You'll find that a great deal of time has to be spent taking care of the new baby. Most new mothers - and plenty of new fathers too - feel exhausted because they are never able to get sufficient sleep. This may go on for months - or even a couple of years.
During this time, a man can feel as if his partner is pushing him away. He may think that she is lavishing all her attention on the baby and this may make him feel jealous, or left out.

After watching a partner go through pregnancy and birth, some men gain a new respect for the female body. These guys find it easier to articulate the emotions they feel about the new phase of their relationship and become more considerate of their partner's changing needs.

But a few men who have been at the birth of their child are quite distressed by what they have seen. Indeed, some of them feel so guilty at the pain their partner has gone through that they are unable to even consider the idea of making love with her again. This is usually just a passing phase, but not always. And such a man should seek help from a counsellor to discuss his feelings.
To create and maintain a good atmosphere in the home, your relationship has to be one of trust and mutual respect. Both partners need to try to understand the other's point of view. It is vital at this time that the couple can still do things together without the baby being involved so that they can enjoy the feelings they had for each other before they became parents.
We do urge new parents to take advantage of any offers of babysitting that come their way from fond grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends so they can go out together - or even just retire to bed for a sleep and perhaps a spot of sex!

What happens to the female sex drive after birth?

Most women don't feel very keen on sex for at least a few weeks after childbirth and the main reason for this is simply exhaustion. If the delivery was long or difficult, the woman may also feel anxious about getting pregnant again.
Generally, women start getting their desire back within a couple of months of having a baby. If your libido doesn't return, then you should seek help from a doctor. Female medics at family planning clinics are particularly good at helping to deal with this problem because they see it all the time.

What do you do when you want to resume sexual intercourse after the birth of your child?

When you're both ready to have intercourse after the birth, you should begin gently. If possible, try and find a time of the day when you are not too worn out. Also, try to find a time when the baby is not likely to wake up - so you can have some peace and quiet.

Hormone changes and worry can lead to some women experiencing vaginal dryness for the first three months after giving birth. But you don't take hormones for this. Instead, buy lubricants over the counter from a pharmacist. Try K-Y Jelly, Liquid Silk, or Pjur. Some condoms have a built-in lubricant that may help.

For the first few sex sessions after childbirth, it's a good idea to choose a position in which the woman can control the pace and depth of penetration. A position with her on top, or one where both partners lie side-by-side facing each other, may be more comfortable.

Don't forget contraception. It's very easy to become pregnant again - far sooner than you intended. Try and decide on some form of family planning by the time your baby is four weeks old. If in doubt, ask the doctor at your postnatal examination about contraception.
What do you do if the woman doesn't regain her interest in sex?This is quite common. Please bear in mind that it could be a symptom of postnatal depression (PND). If the woman is at all depressed, she should see her GP.
Otherwise, the best thing is for the couple to get some counselling from an expert in sexual problems, for instance at:

Relate
Couple Counselling Scotland
A Family Planning Clinic.
With commonsense advice, a loving couple can usually gets things sorted out â€“ though it may take some months.
During 2005, certain new treatments for increasing female libido are due to come onto the market. They include:
a testosterone (male hormone) gel.
a testosterone skin patch.
alprostadil gel (ALISTA) â€“ a jelly intended for application to the clitoris and surrounding area.
Eros â€“ a vibrating suction device which is already available, but not on the NHS.

Unfortunately, Viagra and similar drugs have not so far been convincingly shown to help new mothers who are having difficulties with sex. However, in mid-2005, doctors from St Mary's Hospital, London, published a very small series of cases in which women with poor libido seemed to be helped by using Viagra. But as this treatment is not licensed, it is not available from your GP.

from http://www.tiscali.co.uk/lifestyle/healthfitness/health_advice/netdoctor/archive/000327.html

Better Sex for a Better Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 05:40:00 +0000

Better sex in your marriage can lead to a better marriage. While everyone knows that “it’s not just about the sex,” sex is still a very important part of most marriages. But how can you have better sex in your marriage? How can you and your spouse talk about sex? And how do you know what’s okay as far as sex goes in your marriage?

Better Sex in Your Marriage – Tips

Better sex in a marriage starts with communication. It takes constant open communication to understand what your spouse desires. Unfortunately, many couples never talk about sex, either out of fear or embarrassment. A good rule of thumb is to presume your partner doesn’t know how to satisfy you, and vice versa, so you need to ask each other. It is important to discuss sex because men and women have fundamentally different sexual needs. These needs, if left unaddressed, can lead to disagreements and frustration. Keeping these sexual differences between men and women in mind can help open the door to better sex for a marriage.

Better Sex in Marriage – What Women Want

Women do not separate sex from the emotional aspects of the relationship They want a sense of connection and intimacy that starts well before sex is initiated. Therefore, men, it’s critically important for better sex in your marriage that you light the spark outside the bedroom to make sure you have fireworks inside the bedroom. Also, take note of what may dampen your wife’s sexual fire: tiredness, hurt feelings or negative body image are all factors that can take a toll on her sexual drive, so do your best to help minimize these distractions.

Better Sex in Marriage – What Men Want

Men often view making love as a primary way to connect with their mates. Men are more prone to visual stimulation and instant gratification. Seize the moment with your husband – he may get turned on while watching you get ready to go out, and won’t be satisfied with just a simple kiss. Remember, better sex in your marriage doesn’t have to follow a schedule. Be ready for the unexpected and embrace his spontaneity!

Better Sex in Marriage – Add Spice

Better sex in your marriage can’t just be all talk – you have to take action. Many couples find sex most enjoyable when they both know what to expect. Predictability can be either positive or negative. If you find you have a sexual routine but both you and your spouse satisfy each other’s needs consistently, then it’s positive. However, routine sex habits can be negative if they could keep you from exploring new ways to satisfy each other.

1. Have better sex in your marriage by trying something new:

When you communicate as a couple, you may find out your spouse would like to try something new…or you may find that you want to try something new. But how do you know what’s right for you both? Generally speaking, as long as you both feel comfortable with and respected by each other, it is okay to venture out a bit. Add spice to your love life by experimenting with the frequency, duration or time of day you have sex, or by adding foreplay or using sex toys.

2. Have better sex in your marriage by trying out new positions:

One of the best ways to enliven the sex in your marriage is to try different positions, which is even recommended by sex therapists. You could also think about where you have sex. The bed is the most common place, but it’s not uncommon for couples to make love in other places like the kitchen, backyard, bath or shower, or even in the backseat of the car as if you were still dating.

Many people can be shy or embarrassed about trying new things sexually, depending on what they might have learned or been taught about sex. While we don’t want to challenge personal beliefs, we encourage you and your spouse to become comfortable with your bodies and desires, and to consider stepping out of your comfort zones to fully enjoy all the possible sexual gratification and intimacy your relationship has to offer.

Better sex in your marriage begins with open communication. Each spouse should ask what the other desires, and explore these desires together. Research shows that this is the key: in one study, 88 percent of women who reported always discussing their sexual feelings with their husbands described their sex life as good or very good, while those who didn’t talk about it reported just 30 percent and wanted better sex for a better marriage.(1) Just asking these important questions starts a good habit of open discussion which leads to a better marriage through better sex in your marriage.

from http://marriage.eharmony.com/advice/marriage-problem-9.html

Rough Sex

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 06:51:00 +0000

My boyfriend likes to have rough sex. When we first had sex he pulled my hair and since I didn't say anything he kept doing it. I started liking it and he went further and started biting and spanking me while we had sex. He also puts his hands over my mouth and holds my arms down sometimes, almost like a rape fantasy for him. He is a very gentle person other wise. I am just curious about this and wonder does he have rape tendencies toward other women?

Dr. Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D. Responds

One of the major components of human sexuality is that people have fantasies before and during sexual activity. Many couples decide to "enact" these fantasies because doing so enhances their excitement. One must be made very clear is that there is great human variation as to what is considered sexually exciting versus what is disgusting, violent, victimization or intolerable or forcible pain and rape.

There are those sexual partners who gladly and willingly enact rape scenes, and many other types of scenarios. This does not mean that they have "rape tendencies." If he is scaring you or acting in ways you do not like then you must put a stop to it.

The bottom line is that as long as two people are mutually consenting to their sexual practices there is nothing wrong.

Having stated that I want to add something that strikes me about your question: It seems that you and your boyfriend have not discussed what you are doing during sexual activity. If you have any concerns, anxieties or worries about what he is doing with you sexually, then it is imperative that it be talked about.

It is always interesting to me that couples engage in the most intimate of acts, sexuality, but are so fearful of discussing it that they avoid the topic. Talk to him and resolve any issues you or he may have.

One more thing: I am somewhat concerned that your boyfriend puts his hand over your mouth. Breathing is vital to life. Accidents can happen and no one could blame you if you wanted him to stop doing that. If he cannot tolerate that then he is not the right boyfriend.

Thank you for your interesting question.

- Dr. Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.

from http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=advice&id=2937&at=7&cn=10

Talk Fantasies to Partner

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 07:17:00 +0000

When discussing fantasies with your lover the question of whether you wish the fantasy to become a reality, or just keep it a fantasy, must be asked. Many fantasies involve some risks & often include behaviour that are outside the realm of some people's "norm". Then again, there are many fantasies that are very easy to fulfil & well within every couples reach.

When discussing these fantasies some sense of each others limitations must be kept. As with all of the other discussions you have, or will have, about the various aspects of your sex life, an open mind & a nonjudgmental attitude must be held. This applies more so to fantasy talk than any of the other topics we have covered.

Some fantasies may be taken out of context & create an illusion of a sexual act that may appear on the surface as one thing when in fact that is not at all what the person had in mind. The most common example of this misconception is the rape fantasy. No person in the world would truly enjoy being raped, it is a sick & sadistic crime, but many have fantasies about what we could call, a controlled rape. Of course this would be with a person they knew & trusted & would not include any violence of any kind.

There are several other fantasies of this nature that must be cautiously examined but that is for another section. The point of this all is to make you realize that not all fantasies are within the grasp of a normal couple & some are meant to stay just that, a fantasy.

What should be considered a fantasy?

When talking about your fantasies with each other you must be able to openly discuss & listen to what each other is saying. I repeat LISTEN TO WHAT EACH OTHER IS SAYING! A fantasy is someone's special place where they are usually the center of attention. These can also be a hidden desire longing to be fulfilled. A persons fantasy is something that belongs to them & is usually very special to them, kind of like a child's special "pretend world".

Tread lightly when talking about anyone's fantasy so as not to criticize. Belittling a persons fantasy can have serious emotional effects! Fantasies can be anything from candlelit bathes with wine & oils to bisexual curiosities. As with all of our discussions in this section the level of trust & comfort with your partner will dictate the amount of information you are willing to share. Start gradually & allow these talks about fantasies to go forward at their own pace. Never force someone to divulge something they are not quite ready to tell you. Give it time & practice, it will come to you both as you become closer in your relationship.

Are there Any Taboos?

There are several subjects that may be considered a fantasy, but in reality are not what most couples would consider acceptable. Telling your lover that you fantasize about your secretary at work or the pool boy are not what we are going for here. These fantasies are better left in the closet until your relationship is utterly bulletproof, but I wouldn't count on it.

Fantasies may include other people in such manners as threesomes or swinging. Many women fantasize about two or more guys at one time & I don't think there is a man alive who hasn't dreamt about two women. These are healthy & completely normal fantasies that may be within your grasp, once your relationship is strong enough. Bisexual fantasies are also very prevalent & require this same stability in the relationship.

Our philosophy is this, anything two people do in the privacy of their lives, with or without other people, that doesn't harm the other partner or damage the relationship in any way is healthy, BUT, it takes complete trust, respect & a healthy relationship to allow it. Communication, once again will help you explore these fantasies in a non threatening manner to see if you wish to proceed. Jumping into any of these fantasies without completely discussing them in advance may cause irreparable harm.

from http://www.have-better-sex.com/communication/taling-about-fantasies.html

Sensual Biting

noreply@blogger.com (roland smith) — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 07:04:00 +0000

Bite her erogenous zones

If sensual biting is new terrain for you, start with the nape of the neck. Most women find the area highly sensitive and absolutely love being kissed here. This makes for an easy transition once you have her purring with delight. The inner thigh is equally deserving of your attention, and will often result in her begging for clitoral stimulation. If you really want to drive her wild, don’t give in to the request; continue nibbling a trail along the edge of her thigh until she loses control. And she will. Other areas you’ll want to pay special attention to include the curve of her waist, her lower back, the area just below her breasts, and her bottom.

Create buildup

It won’t do to just sink your teeth in before her body’s ready for it -- that could really be painful. You want her in an aroused state, both physically and mentally. Start with the foreplay you’ve already mastered: kiss her, caress her, talk dirty to her. If you’d like to up the ante, try something new and unique. Once the desire is obvious, gently drag your teeth across a shoulder, thigh or hip -- anywhere fleshy to ensure minimal pain in case she doesn’t like it. If she shudders with pleasure, consider it a green light to continue -- but tread lightly. You want to find her pain threshold without crossing it. Keep an eye on her facial expressions and she’ll let you know when to say when.

Keep it quick

The secret to keeping real pain out of the sensual biting equation is to keep it quick. The longer you maintain the bite, the more pain is registered. Therefore, the ideal nip really shouldn’t last more than a few seconds -- unless she asks for something more intense, of course. You’ll also want to make sure you don’t spend too much time in one spot; this could get painful fast. You don’t want her to feel like she’s in bed with Dracula!

biting don’ts

Don’t bite random areas

No matter how much she enjoys this kind of play, random sensual biting can result in a very turned-off woman. In other words, don’t bite the first thing you see, unless it’s one of the areas we’ve already discussed. Biting the wrong place could really freak her out and ruin an otherwise sexy evening -- especially if she’s never been bitten by anyone before. We want her moaning with pleasure, not agony.

Don’t make noises

She may love it when you turn into an animal, but that doesn’t mean she wants you to sound like one. Certain noises simply have no place in the bedroom -- slurping and smacking of the lips are particularly disgusting. No matter how skilled you are at nibbling her neckline, toss a slurp in there and that’s the end of that. Silliness can have the same effect, so avoid comments like “Yummy!” or other sayings one might hear on a playground while you practice sensual biting.

Don’t gnaw

It goes without saying, but the more you nip one particular area, the less pleasurable the sensation becomes. The same goes for anything resembling a chewing motion: There’s nothing sexy about feeling gnawed upon. Keep your sensual biting crisp, clean and quick to prevent her feeling like a chew toy.

love bites

Sensual biting can be a very pleasurable experience for a woman, and it’s something many of them secretly yearn for. Unfortunately, men often hesitate to experiment with the idea, fearing they might be thought of as too animalistic. Rest assured, biting is a natural instinct that arouses even the most vanilla of women. Take these sensual biting tips to bed and watch how quickly she melts in your mouth.

Article Suggested By: Ben P., Bethlehem, PA

from: http://www.askmen.com/love/love_tip_300/365_love_tip.html