Better Sex For Couples

(Prudent Press Agency)--- There are proven methods to improve sexual performance and pleasure among couples. However, various couples struggle with different challenges. One couple may be dealing with erectile dysfunction in the male partner, another with lack of sex drive in the female or male partner. Some couples have too much stress in their lives that’s not managed properly and this negatively affects their sexual experience and intimacy. For others a lack of creativity is the major cause of disinterest and boredom and has lead to poor sexual performance and desire. The mistake that happens often is when couples use an inappropriate method for treating the problem.

You see, all of the conditions listed above are encountered by many couples and each problem requires a unique solution. Additional problems and frustrations occur when a couple uses the wrong method to treat their specific problem, for instance using a drug or other method as the "cure all" for what is lacking in their sexual experience. An example would be someone using a medication or other herbal substance that is intended to treat erectile dysfunction, but that person thinks that the substance will increase sexual desire, which is not the case because that is not how the substance was designed to work.

Erectile Dysfunction
This is also referred to as "impotence" in men. It is the condition in which the male partner has a sex drive (very important), can get an erection (or at least start the process), but is unable to maintain an erection for the intended duration of sex or until an orgasm is reached. This condition is appropriately treated with medications. And you can treat it with natural substances also. The medications used to treat erectile dysfunction belong to a class of drugs called phosphodiesterase inhibitors. Included in this class are the drugs Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. They are effective in treating impotence because they cause more complete filling of the penis with blood and allows the penis to remain engorged for a longer period of time, usually long enough to reach climax and sometimes even beyond that. Viagra has proven effective in enhancing sexual pleasure in women in a similar way by increasing blood circulation to the vaginal area. Levitra has been proven to help treat erectile dysfunction in men that also suffer one or more other illnesses that compound the problem. Among them are diabetes, high blood pressure, and hyperlipidemia (high cholesterol levels in the blood). There are also natural herbal products that help treat erectile dysfunction without the side effects that may be encountered with these medications.

It is important to consult your primary doctor in determining whether any of the medications are the best option for you, especially if you have a history of heart disease or low blood pressure.

Lack of Sex Drive
This is when there is no desire to participate in sexual activities. There are different causes for this condition. Stress can be a factor. Many medications have decreased sex drive as a side effect. Depression is a cause, especially when it leads to physical inactivity. Even our diets can contribute, directly and indirectly, to lack of sex drive and performance in men and women. It is important to distinguish lack of sex drive from erectile dysfunction, here's why. Let’s say a man has no or low sex drive and becomes frustrated because he is unable to become aroused sexually for his partner, yet he believes that Viagra (a treatment for erectile dysfunction) will help solve the problem. He will more than likely become more frustrated because that is not how Viagra works. It was not formulated to stimulate or increase sex drive. With Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra there needs to be sexual arousal which releases certain enzymes or chemicals into the bloodstream that allow the meds to be effective. Without arousal this does not occur. There are some natural ways to increase testosterone levels that have been proven to dramatically increase sex drive. There are even foods that help with this. Exercise is a great way to enhance testosterone levels and sex drive in a safe way, but some forms of exercise are more effective than others.

Stress Anxiety Depression
I put these together because they can be closely related if we don't manage them properly. Unmanaged stress and anxiety often lead to depression. High stress, anxiety, and depression are major inhibitors of good sexual and general health. It is true that great sex has to do with the right mental stimulation and attitude and nothing negatively impacts the right mind set more than high stress, anxiety, or depression. We manage these conditions by incorporating things that make our lives more balanced. Some ways include; diet and exercise, involving ourselves in more spiritual pursuits, committing more time for the family, or it could be just getting rid of things that make you stressed, anxious, or depressed. Usually effective management involves some of everything. The important thing is that you take action to get them under control. They can be managed effectively by most of us.

Lack of Creativity and Romance
Some couples kill their sex lives when they stop being creative. Even sex, as pleasurable as it is, can become old and even boring if we stop being creative. You see, creativity starts the mental process that sets the stage for great sex. Creativity gets our minds involved in the act. Let's face it, anyone can do it or go through the motions, but to really have great sex involves a bit more from the mind and body together. Remember when you first met your partner and how you felt. The excitement you felt during that time was a motivating force that helped you think up ways to show them how much you cared. And your efforts payed off in a good way, didn’t they? I will let you know that by involving the mind in thinking of creative ways to communicate your affection towards your partner can engender the same excitement you felt when you first met. It will make a difference in improving your chances for great sex every time.

For more information, tips, and resources on how to greatly improve your sex life visit our site at http://www.sexhealthandwellness.com.
About The Author Whitney Moore is a recently retired registered nurse who now devotes time to the research and dissemination of information covering many general and health related topics.

from: http://www.prudentpressagency.com/modules/news/article.php?storyid=4323

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Intimacy during pregnancy

Intimacy during pregnancy: An essential element

Linda Jenkins, RN


Linda Jenkins, a nurse, childbirth educator and author, discusses why intimacy during pregnancy is important, and how touching and sexual relations can be fulfilling to both partners.


Intimacy needen't stop

All love relationships involve some form of intimacy. Deep friendships thrive on it: marriages are nurtured by it. A note, a smile, a touch... each can have profound effect.

For most couples, sexual intercourse is an exciting, enriching, intimate part of a relationship. Unfortunately, during pregnancy, intercourse is not always possible. But just because pregnancy has reached a point where intercourse is either uncomfortable, against medical advice or simply rather awkward, INTIMACY NEEDN'T STOP! Intimacy is needed by both partners, perhaps even more than before the pregnancy.

Intimacy comes in many forms. The right words, a comment or unsolicited compliment, can do wonders in maintaining intimacy. The wise could keep in mind that words well chosen can often brighten, or at least lighten, a seemingly difficult situation.

Taking the time to do things together gives you both greater opportunity to share in the happiness of this pregnancy. A secluded spot, some favorite gourmet delights, a little time and you have all the ingredients necessary for an intimate picnic for the two of you.

The power of touch

Touching is essential to life and living. While a delightful aid to relaxation, it can also be a source of sexual gratification. Some couples know this; others may enjoy learning the possibilities together. The more familiar you become with touching and being touched, the more pleasurable it becomes. Some men resist looking at, touching, and caressing their mate's bodies during pregnancy, often justifying their reluctance by saying that it is a woman's experience. How wasteful to lose the beautiful moments of pregnancy which may occur only once or twice during a lifetime.

Use the time to the fullest to enjoy the growing child resulting from your intimacy. A massage can soothe away tension while enhancing intimacy. It offers the perfect time to explore with touch and sight the growth of the unborn child, and what it does to a woman's body. Toss away preconceptions about areas that are out-of-bounds. Ask your partner what is pleasurable for him or her. This can be a starting point for one of the most important forms of communication in your relationship. It may overcome obstacles which have often prevented intimacy in the past.


Take your time. Many books are available on massage and some even focus on the pregnant woman. These books teach the strokes and techniques which relieve stress and produce sensual pleasure at the same time. George Downing's The Massage Book, or Bernard Gunther's Sense Relaxation and What to do Until the Messiah Comes will give you a good start.

There is not a single area of skin that may not be gently and lovingly touched in a way to give pleasure. The only limitations are those you choose. An overall massage may be repulsive or annoying if either partner is uncomfortable or resistant -- tenderness and thoughtfulness are the keys. Discuss what will make each of you the most comfortable, assemble all materials, and then begin to give each other pleasure. Set the right mood and remember that on this tactile road there are only the limits the two of you decide to set. You may need conversation at first, but. then your bodies can tell each other what is appreciated. You may sit facing each other, massaging each other's face, head, neck, arms and hands. Lie next to each other and let your hands say how much you love and care.

To cut down friction, many emollients may be used: oil, glycerine, lotion, or talcum powder. The emollient may ever) be scented or flavored. Often in labor, however, the more highly scented things are better avoided. Just plain corn starch might be used on a tightly stretched abdomen and feel very good.

Enjoying sex

Many people can -- and do -- talk about sex more easily now than ever before. Nevertheless, the subject of sex during pregnancy is still colored by a lot of old wives' tales and prudery. As a result, women may be reluctant to ask the questions really bothering them when visiting their health care provider. Worse yet, couples keep their innermost fears and feelings to themselves. This might be something you want to reconsider: this is a most important time to communicate openly.

Ambivalent feelings about everything from wanting this baby to sex are common, and often increase during pregnancy. The man may feel proud of his role in helping to create a child, yet anxious about his unborn child, and at the same time, jealous of its constant presence. The woman may feel ungainly and frequently tired. She, too, may be anxious about her impending responsibilities. All these moods and conflicting feelings alter attitudes between couples and affect their desire for lovemaking. It is important that feelings, no matter how insignificant they may seem, are voiced and shared. The feelings you may have are not always negative. Being pregnant is the only absolutely effective method of birth control other than abstinence and sterility. Thus, for many women it is the first time they could truly relax and enjoy sex with their partners without fear of another conception.


from http://pregnancyandbaby.com/

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Preventing injury

Safe sex also implies that no harm is done to oneself or the partner. It cannot be denied that sex often involves uncontrolled behaviour. For many, sex is not exciting unless it is spontaneous, non-premeditated, intoxicated, wild, rough, or even violent. Soft and gentle lovemaking is by many rejected as old-fashioned or 'romantic'. This attitude is often found among those who actually know little about lovemaking, feel negative about it, and are afraid to appear vulnerable. Also, they copy behaviour from movies and pornography, which too often carry the message that sex and violence are the same.

Preventing injury: masturbation
Most injuries, however, happen during masturbation, because when one is alone, one is usually less inhibited than with a partner. Most people continue to masturbate throughout life for this reason. No single partner can compete with fantasies, images, and objects used as stimuli.
Certain techniques of masturbation carry some risk of injury and it is best to be aware of them. Girls tend to put pins or sticks or other objects into their vagina or urethra or anus. If in their excitement they forget the object, it may get stuck, or even pass through into the bladder. Boys can have similar experiences, which are usually very unpleasant, especially if the doctor has to be called in.
Girls and boys can push their genital against a surface or object, and boys can stick their penis into something, making coital movements. If the movements are not controlled and gentle, the sex organ may be hurt, or even damaged.
A rather well-known injury is for a man to stick his penis into a narrow ring or hole in an object, a bottle or kettle, and have an erection, which then makes withdrawal impossible, because the bloodflow out of the penis, which normally occurs through veins on the outside of the penis, is blocked.
It is unwise to stick the penis into the opening of a vacuum cleaner hose while the hoover is on. It wil suck too hard and cause painful blood swelling.
Also used in masturbation are tight clothing, piercings, sharp metal objects or unusual postures. Near-suffocation is another stimulus to arousal and orgasm. This is called asphyxophilia. Sometimes people are found dead, who put a plastic bag over their head, and were apparently unable to remove it before they lost conscience.

Preventing injury by risky sex
People can also have risky sex together. Interestingly, most of the accidents occur as a result of inhibition and ignorance more frequently than through sophisticated kinky sex. Because we never learn how to make love, we do the best we can, but often without sufficient knowledge of even the anatomy of the partner, let alone their sensitive spots, and how to make them feel good. The urge to have intercourse (fuck) which is natural, often overrides the need for human closeness, intimacy and communication. Clumsiness and rough movements can cause pain, skin irritation, bruises, scratch marks, swellings and infections. This is why sex instruction always stresses gentleness and communication even in the heat of sexual desire, waiting for or using sufficient lubrication, and never assuming that the partner wants to feel pain.

Preventing injury by sm
Of course, if couples want to try out games involving an element of pain, that is a different matter. SM (sadomasochism) is the name for any sex game involving the conscious use of power, subjection, postponement of orgasm, seeking out limits of pain experience in combination with sexual arousal. There is a wide range of activities, from mild bondage and only verbal subjection to the use of leather outfits and masks, manacles, chains, whips, piercings in nipples, clitoris or penis, hot candle wax, tight bounding and twisting of the genitals, the use of knives. If injuries occur (again mostly through ignorance), they are usually more serious. Magazines for sm regularly warn their readers against causing damage to themselves or others, cautioning them to be very aware of how much pain the partner can take, and to break off as soon as the activity is no longer experienced as a pleasure.

SM used to be considered a perversion, but nowadays many couples indulge in it to some extent. They usually do so in order to raise the level of arousal in their sex life, which may have become more or less routine. Mostly it is the man who wants this extra kick. He probably has had fantasies about other partners for some time and has waited to ask his wife if she is willing to indulge him. He may not want to go outside his marriage for another partner. The wife may reluctantly go along, dislike it and and give up, but may also turn out to be a diligent and active player in a mutually satisfactory sex game, for as long as it lasts.

Preventing injury from http://www.nvsh.nl/skills/injury.htm

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Risk of HIV transmission via oral sex

The risk of HIV transmission from an infected partner through oral sex is much smaller than the risk of HIV transmission from anal or vaginal sex. Because of this, measuring the exact risk of HIV transmission as a result of oral sex is very difficult. In addition, since most sexually active individuals practice oral sex in addition to other forms of sex (such as vaginal and/or anal sex) when transmission occurs, it is difficult to determine whether or not it occurred as a result of oral sex or other more risky sexual activities. Finally, several co-factors can increase the risk of HIV transmission through oral sex, including oral ulcers and wounds, bleeding gums, genital sores, genital or oral piercings, and the presence of other STDs.

When scientists describe the risk of transmitting an infectious disease, like HIV, the term "theoretical risk" is often used. Very simply, "theoretical risk" means that passing an infection from one person to another is possible, even though there may not yet be any actual documented cases. "Theoretical risk" is not the same as likelihood. In other words, stating that HIV infection is "theoretically possible" does not necessarily mean it is likely to happen - only that it might. Documented risk, on the other hand, is used to describe transmission that has actually occurred, been investigated, and documented in the scientific literature.

Various scientific studies have been performed around the world to try and document and study instances of HIV transmission through oral sex. A programme in San Francisco studied 198 people, nearly all gay or bisexual men. The subjects stated that they had only had oral sex for a year, from six months preceding the six-month study to its end. 20 per cent of the study participants (39 people) reported performing oral sex on partners they knew to be HIV positive. 35 of those did not use a condom and 16 reported swallowing semen. No one became HIV positive during the study, although the small number of participants performing oral sex on HIV positive partners meant the researchers could only say that there was a less than 2.8 per cent chance of infection through oral sex over a year.1 In 2000, a different San Francisco study of gay men who had recently acquired HIV infection found that 7.8 per cent of these infections were attributed to oral sex.2 However, the results of the study have since been called into question due to the reliability of the participants' data.

Measuring the exact risk of HIV transmission as a result of oral sex is very difficult.

In June 2002, a study conducted amongst 135 HIV negative Spanish heterosexuals, who were in a sexual relationship with a person who was HIV positive, reported that over 19,000 instances of unprotected oral sex had not led to any cases of HIV transmission.3 The study also looked at contributing factors that could affect the potential transmission of HIV through oral sex. They monitored viral load and asked questions such as whether ejaculation in the mouth occurred and how good oral health was. Amongst HIV positive men, 34 per cent had ejaculated into the mouths of their partners. Viral load levels were available for 60 people in the study, 10 per cent of whom had levels over 10,000 copies. Nearly 16 per cent of the HIV positive people had CD4 counts below 200. The study, conducted over a ten year period between 1990 and 2000, adds to the growing number of studies which suggest varying levels of risk of HIV transmission from oral sex when compared to anal or vaginal intercourse.

At the 4th International Oral AIDS Conference held in South Africa, the risk of transmission through oral sex was estimated to be approximately 0.04 per cent per contact.4 This percentage figure is a lot lower than the two American figures, because this figure is a risk per contact percentage, whereas the other figures are percentage risks over much longer time periods. Oral sex is still regarded as a low-risk sexual activity in terms of HIV transmission, but only when more work is done will we be clearer as to the risks of oral sex.

http://www.avert.org/oral-sex.htm

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Facts About Orgasm

Orgasm Facts

Everyone can orgasm, but not everyone does. Coming' isn't all that easy - if you're a woman! Nearly all MEN can climax without difficulty, but women just aren't built that way. For a man sexual intercourse alone, that is, penetration of a woman's vagina by a man's penis may be sufficient to climax. But it very often is not enough to make a woman reach orgasm.

What is it?

Orgasm is the pinnacle of sexual passion. It is the moment of intense pleasure, which results into feeling relaxed and at ease. The female orgasm lasts a few seconds, followed by a feeling of relaxation and pleasure. Continued stimulation may also result in further orgasms, which though is difficult for females of certain age group.

Types of orgasm

Basically there are two types of orgasms that women experience, based on the two different zones of stimulation. The first is a clitoral orgasm, wherein the clitoris is stimulated by lightly touch or stroking it. The second type of orgasm is a vaginal orgasm. This comes from pressure being applied to the "G" spot, usually by the tip of the man's penis. The "G" spot is located on the anterior wall of the vagina, about 2 inches from the opening. Both these experiences are different and women who have experienced both types of orgasms know the difference. However the fact is very few women reach orgasm solely as a result of the penis penetrating the vagina; it's more likely to happen through stimulation (touching/rubbing/kissing) of the clitoris - the highly sensitive bump located at the top of the vaginal lips.

Following positions are helpful to reach climax by stimulating the "G" spot:

1. Woman on top of man
2. Woman lying on her stomach, with man on top, entering her vagina from behind.

Factor responsible for orgasm

1. Sexual frequency. In order to reach climax it is important that you have regular sex. The more time that passes between sexual encounters, the harder it is for a woman to become aroused, and less likely to have an orgasm.

2. Another important thing is you should be relaxed and tension free. For a woman to get the most out of the sexual encounter, she must be comfortable with the surroundings and also with the relationship. Thus orgasm is impossible in a situation where there is tension, or lack of trust in the marriage.

3. Also what is important is a understanding and caring partner who know how to stimulate and arouse you and who helps you reach climax.

How can men help?

Remember one thing that to reach orgasm it is very important that your man co-operates with you and understands you and your body. Therefore don't feel shy to tell him how to make love to you and what arouses you and touching, kissing, stroking which part of your body will make you climax. Therefore next time you make love guide him to help you reach orgasm. However following are the things men need to know.

• Tell her that she's marvellous, sexy and beautiful.
  
• Remember that most women need stimulation of the clitoris. Touching/kissing/stroking will help reach orgasm.
  
• Give her oral sex. Most women adore this and some claim that they cannot come unless a man 'goes down' on them.
  
• Caress her breasts or her sensitive spots. A few women climax through breast fondling alone or simply by stroking their sensitive spots.
  
• Don't be too proud to ask her to show you what she wants.
  
• If you come before her, don't stop there but try to help her climax too by kissing and stimulating her.
  
• Remember to provide an atmosphere of love, romance, security and compassion.

What can you do to help yourself ?

A woman who experiences no or few orgasms can learn to bring herself to climax, over time with little patience and self-stimulation. Patience is needed because it will take time to learn the spots, the touches, feelings and thoughts that will arouse you and continue to arouse you to the point of climax. At first the techniques can be practiced alone, but then with your partner since he too has to be taught how to make love to you.

• When alone explore your body - touch and stoke yourself in the way you would like to be caressed by your lover - learn and enjoy those things that really stimulate you.
  
  

• Once you know what stimulates you and helps you reach climax share these experiences with your partner; guide him around those parts of your body that aroused you when you stimulated them - let him find other ways to arouse you too.
  
  

• Let your partner stimulate your clitoris during foreplay, when you find yourself on the brink of orgasm after your partner has touched and caressed your clitoris, move straight on to intercourse, with you or your partner continuing to stimulate your clitoris.

from facts about orgasm

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How Important Is Sex in a Marriage?

So many married couples seem to struggle to keep passion alive in their relationship. And it's no wonder: There's no shortage of factors that wreak havoc on sex lives ‑- from busy schedules to kids to changing, aging bodies. Without physical intimacy, what's left to hold a marriage together? Plenty, one would think: shared history, family, friendship. So just how important is sex and passion to a marriage? We asked six members of our Love Council to weigh in.

Dan Cronin

"Work + Kissing = a Happy Marriage"

It's hard for me to comment on the notion of aging bodies affecting passion, because I met my wife 11 years ago and age has only made her more beautiful. I, on the other hand, am a different story. I'm looking more and more like Elliot Gould each day. (No offense, Elliot Gould. You're just much older than I am.) So you'd have to ask her. But as for the mundane rhythms of life ‑- from the hectic schedules to the screaming babies ‑- it all adds up to a situation that seems a bit more like two shift workers trying to keep a business afloat than it does a healthy marriage. Sex is hugely important. Especially when it's part of the deal that you're not allowed to go anywhere else to get it. I used to hate it when I heard people say things like "Marriage is work," but when routine sets in I realize that marriage is work. And it's worth it. But my one little secret? Kissing. Married couples don't kiss like they did when they were dating, and they should really, really try. What better way to save a marriage than a little mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?

Cathi Hanauer
&
Daniel Jones

"Do Whatever It Takes"

Cathi: Virtually every marriage, no matter how steamy at the beginning, goes through sexual dry spells. As long as you have other ways of connecting and having fun together during those dry spells, that's okay. The problem comes when sex and passion drop out of a marriage purely because caring for each other is so low on your list of priorities that you start to treat one another like roommates. Often, making time to have sex can end up being less about the physical act than about taking a moment to reconnect, share a laugh or a moment of affection and remember why you've committed to this person in the first place.

Dan: See, I wonder if this is one of those questions that's different for men and women. Married or not, most men seem to need sex regularly. For women, I believe passion is an essential: a sense of desiring and being desired. But sex with their husbands? I'll bet many could take it or leave it. (By the way, I'm talking about everyone else's sex life here, not my own, which is, of course, perfect.)

What is important for all of us married people is that we air our expectations and needs and work at ways to meet them. Some people schedule dates with their spouse, go to hotels, watch porn, take ballroom dancing lessons, send dirty text messages to each other ‑- whatever it takes, as long as you're honest and not overly greedy. Don't be embarrassed about what you need. And don't keep your needs and desires in marriage all to yourself as your resentment festers and divorce looms. In marriage, a little effort to please the other person can go a long way.

love.ivillage.com

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